Why isn't the number 11 pronounced
onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
diarrhea...does that mean that one out of
five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight
packages?
If people from Poland are called Poles,
then why aren't people from Holland called
Holes?
If a pig loses its voice, is it
disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano
called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a
racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians
denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would
they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee
breaks?'
What hair color do they put on the
driver's licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their
babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers
use, Toothpicks?
Is it true that you never really learn to
swear until you learn to drive?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of
her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A
through G ?
******
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control
when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient
funds; when they already know you're broke?
Why is it that when someone tells you that
there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell
you there is wet paint you have to touch it to
check?
Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal
injections?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a
beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,
but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear
helmets?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word
"lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that, no matter what color
bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the
refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have
materialized?
Why do people run over a string a dozen times
with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put
it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will ever open
from the first end you try?
How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed
light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone
rams our ankle with a shopping cart, then apologizes for doing
so; why do we say, "It's all right"? Well, it isn't
all right so why don't
we say, "That really
hurt you dumb bunny,why don't you watch where you're
going?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to
catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock
something else over?
Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law
jokes?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me
your e-mail address in the first place?
And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK..? (then it's you!)
~
REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK..? (then it's you!)
~
REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is,
like..........night!!!!
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