*******************
Life: Being at Home:
Fr. Gerry Piece, cssr
On Christmas morning the preacher spoke about
reverence for all children. He referred to the many awful cases of child abuse
reported in the media and said that all children should be reverenced like the
Christ Child. As he spoke a little three year old girl detached herself from
her parents and stood in the center isle of the church sending flying kisses in
all directions. "I do not understand" said the preacher, "how
anyone could treat with violence something so charming and beautiful and
delicate as this little girl." Her father sitting on the nearby seat was
as good and gentle and loving as any father could be. But he said under his
breath, "often, I can!"
Across the isle Tony and Tessie looked a model couple. After
a whirlwind courtship they had a grand wedding. But as they settled down to
marriage they discovered how different they were in personality. Tessie used
weakness to try to get her way. When things were going wrong she would cry, ask
forgiveness, and try to patch things up. But Tony had learned to deal with life
by facing problems aggressively. He despised anything that appeared to be
weakness and saw no reason to make up after a quarrel. While appearances were
maintained, there was now a ravine between them and anything like intimate
communication was a long forgotten memory.
These situations are just little windows that give us an
idea of what family life is like. It is not a bed of roses - or if it is the
thorns play as prominent a part as the flowers. Today, the Sunday following
Christmas, the Church gives importance to all families by setting the Holy
family of Nazareth before us as an example. It is not a pie in the sky sort of
feast - say your prayers and all will be well. Instead, Mary is told by Simeon,
"you yourself shall be pierced with a sword." The arena of marriage
is not an easy one.
One of the greatest joys of my life has been listening to
people, particularly married people, in different parts of the world who have
shared on how the practice of meditation had helped them grow and be happy as a
family. One of the first pitfalls of marriage is that of trying to change one's
partner. Nagging makes one's partner dig in all the more and makes change less
possible. When, however, one partner in a marriage begins to meditate this
person begins to be more at home at his or her center. If there is more peace
there, one's responses will also be more peace-full. If one's responses are
more peace-full the other partner will have to be effected and so the level of
tension in the relationship is reduced. As one meditates one becomes more aware
of the violent reactions that come from the defensive ego and one can become
able to replace them with more civil responses. As the level of tension in
relationship goes down the level of intimacy rises. There will be more real
sharing of thoughts and feelings and, when this happens, according to some
couples, sexual union becomes a new kind of celebration.
It has been said that the best gift that parents can give
their children is to love one another. So the improved relationship between
spouses will have a spin off in the relationship with their children. If they
can listen more sensitively to one another they will be able to listen more
sensitively to their children, with subsequent benefits for all. Family life is
about being "at home" for one another. But we cannot be at home for
one another if we are alienated from ourselves - not at home with ourselves.
This is becoming more and more of a problem in our world of working wives and
high competition. There is less time to be together: then the skill of being
together gets lost and there is a rush to fill up feelings of emptiness and
alienation by work.
Meditation is a way of prayer in which by using a prayer
word one tries to be still. This makes one be at home at one's own center. It
makes it more possible to be at home with others. If practiced by family
members it will help them to become more whole and more holy.
*************
From the Connections:
THE WORD:
In today’s Gospel, the faithful Joseph and Mary bring their
son to the temple for his presentation to the Lord, a ritual required by the
Law. The Book of Exodus taught that a family's first-born son “belonged”
to the Lord who saved them when the first-born sons of the Egyptians were
destroyed at the first Passover (Exodus 13: 15).
The prophet Simeon and the prophetess Anna are idealized
portraits of the faithful “remnant” of Israel awaiting the Messiah’s
coming. Simeon’s canticle praises God for the universal salvation that
will be realized in Jesus; in his prophecy, the shadow of the cross falls upon
the Holy Family.
Anna, as an elderly widow, is considered among the most
vulnerable and poor of society. Her encounter with the child typifies the
theme woven throughout Luke's Gospel: the exaltation of society's poorest and
most humble by God.
In Matthew and Luke’s stories of Jesus birth and childhood
(which were later additions to those Gospels, drawn from the many stories about
Jesus’ life that were part of the early Christian oral tradition that had
developed), life for the family of Joseph, Mary and Jesus is difficult and
cruel: they are forced from their home; they are innocent victims of the
political and social tensions of their time; they endure the suspicions of
their own people when Mary's pregnancy is discovered; their child is born under
the most difficult and terrifying of circumstances; they experience the agony
of losing their beloved child. And yet, through it all, their love and
faithfulness to one another do not waver. The Holy Family is a model for
our families as we confront the many tensions and crises that threaten the
stability, peace and unity that are the joys of being a family.
HOMILY POINTS:
Today’s Feast of the Holy Family calls us to re-discover and
celebrate our own families as harbors of forgiveness and understanding and safe
places of unconditional love, welcome and acceptance.
The Holy Family is a model for our families as we confront
the many tensions and crises that threaten the stability, peace and unity that
are the joys of being a family.
The prophet Simeon proclaims that this child will be a
“light” for Israel — but that light will endure great suffering and pain before
finally shattering the darkness. Luke’s Gospel of the Child Jesus reminds
us that the crib is overshadowed by the cross, that this holy birth is the
beginning of humankind’s rebirth in the Resurrection.
*************
From Fr. Tony Kadavil
Introduction:
On the last Sunday of the year, we celebrate the Feast of
the Holy Family. We are here to offer all the members of our own families
on the altar for God’s blessing. The first reading is a commentary on the
fourth commandment: "Honor your father and your mother." Ben
Sirachhas many good things to say about living properly according to the Torah.
Sirach reminds children of their duty to honor their parents – even when
it becomes difficult. He also mentions the five-fold reward which God promises
to those who honor their father and mother. The first reward is “riches,” and
the second long life: “Whoever reveres his father will live a long life.”
Forgiveness of sins and God’s prompt answer to prayers are the fourth and fifth
rewards. He reminds children that God blesses them if they obey revere and show
compassion to their father. Paul, in the letter to the Colossians, advises us
that we should put on love and remain thankful in our relationships with one
another. Paul’s advice is part of the "Household code" – the rules
for members of the Christian family. Though the details date to Paul’s time,
the underlying message of being careful with one another – being full of care –
is timeless. Paul teaches that children should learn and practice noble
qualities like compassion, kindness, forgiveness and sharing in the warmth of
the family. In a truly holy family all members are respected, cherished,
nurtured and supported, united through the bond of love. Today’s Gospel
describes how Joseph presented Mary and the Child Jesus in the Temple for the
ritual of the mother's purification and the child's "presentation."
Life messages: 1) We need to learn lessons from the Holy
Family: The Church encourages us to look to the Family of Jesus, Mary and
Joseph for inspiration, example and encouragement. They were a model
family in which both parents worked hard, helped each other, understood and
accepted each other, and took good care of their Child so that He might grow up
not only in human knowledge but also as a Child of God.
2) We need to make the family a confessional rather than a
courtroom. A senior Judge of the Supreme Court congratulated the bride
and groom in a marriage with a pertinent piece of advice: “See that you never
convert your family into a courtroom; instead let it be a confessional. If the
husband and wife start arguing like attorneys in an attempt to justify their
behavior, their family becomes a court of law and nobody wins. On the
other hand, if the husband and the wife -- as in a confessional -- are ready to
admit their faults and try to correct them, the family becomes a heavenly
one.”
3) Every Holy Mass in which we participate is our
presentation. Although we were officially presented to God on the day of our
baptism, we present ourselves and our dear ones on the altar before God our
Father through our Savior Jesus Christ at every Holy Mass. Hence, we need to
live our daily lives with the awareness both that we are dedicated people
consecrated to God and that we are obliged to lead holy lives. L/14
Exegesis:
The context:
Today’s Gospel describes the presentation of the Baby Jesus
in the Temple. The Feast of the Presentation of Jesus(celebrated formally
on February 2),is a combined feast, commemorating the Jewish practice of the
purification of the mother after childbirth and the presentation of the child
in the Temple. It is known as the “Hypanthe” feast or Feast of the Purification
of Mary (by the offering two pigeons in the Temple), the Feast of the
Presentation of the Lord (by prayers and a sacrifice offered in the Temple to
redeem or buy the firstborn male child back from the Lord), the Feast of
Candlemas (because candles are blessed for liturgical and personal use) and the
Feast of Encounter (because the New Testament, represented by the Baby Jesus,
encountered the Old Testament, represented by Simeon and Anna).
Purification and redemption ceremonies: The Gospel describes
how Joseph, as the head of the Holy Family of Nazareth, presented Mary and the
Baby Jesus in the Temple of God for the mother’s purification and the Child’s
“redemption.” The Mosaic Law (Numbers 18: 15), taught that since every Jewish
firstborn male child belonged to Yahweh, the parents had to “buy back”
(redeem), the child by offering a lamb or turtledoves as a sacrifice in the Temple.
In addition (Leviticus
12: 2-8), every mother had to be purified after childbirth
by prayers and an offering made to God in the Temple. Joseph kept these laws as
an act of obedience to God.
The encounter with Simeon and Anna: By the inspiration
of the Holy Spirit, the old, pious and Spirit-filled Simeon and Anna had been
waiting in the Temple for the revelation of God’s salvation. Simeon recognized
Jesus as the Lord’s anointed one, and in his prayer of blessing he prophesied
that Jesus was meant to be the glory of Israel and the light of revelation to
the Gentiles. While he blessed Mary, he warned her that her child would be
“asign of contradiction,” and that she would be “pierced with a sword.” Simeon
was prophesying both the universal salvation that would be proclaimed by Jesus
and the necessity of suffering in the mission of the Messiah
Influence of the Holy Family on Jesus: We know that the
family of Jesus was steeped in Scripture. Mary’s prayer, the Magnificat, is
rich in Old Testament quotations. We know that Jesus’ family had a deep life of
piety that included pilgrimages and prayer to the angels. Both Mary and Joseph
were accustomed to receiving the guidance of Heaven’s messengers. From Jesus’
adulthood, we can also glimpse the prayer life He learned from His parents. He
prayed the morning offering of pious Jews (Mk 12:29-30). He prayed
spontaneously. He took time to pray alone. Yet, He also prayed with His
friends. Jesus fasted and marked the holy days. All these habits He probably
acquired from His home life in Nazareth. We know that work was important to
Jesus’ family. In adulthood, Jesus was called not just “Joseph’s son,” but “the
carpenter’s son.” Joseph was skilled in a trade that was highly regarded in his
day, and he trained Jesus in the same craft. We can conclude from Jesus’
preaching that Mary was industrious and frugal in keeping a house. It was
likely from her example that Jesus drew many of His favorite stories: a woman
finding just the right cloth to patch a piece of clothing, a woman setting
aside leaven for tomorrow’s baking, a widow searching her house for a lost
coin. Hard work, struggling to pay the bills, taking long road trips,
praying simple devotions — all of this we learn from the real Gospels.
(mikeaquilina.com).
Life Messages:
1) We need to learn lessons from the Holy Family: By
celebrating the Sunday following Christmas as the Feast of the Holy Family, the
Church encourages us to look to the Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph for
inspiration, example and encouragement. They were a model family in
which both parents worked hard, helped each other, understood and accepted each
other, and took good care of their Child so that He might grow up not only in
human knowledge but also as a Child of God. Jesus brought holiness to the
family of Joseph and Mary as Jesus brings us holiness by embracing us in His
family. The Catechism of the Catholic Church gives the following advice to the
parents: "Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their
children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a
home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested
service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the
virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and
self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach
their children to subordinate the 'material and instinctual dimensions to
interior and spiritual ones.'" The CCC adds: “Parents have a grave
responsibility to give good example to their children.” (CCC #2223).
2) Marriage: a Sacrament of holiness. The Feast of the Holy
Family reminds us that, as the basic unit of the universal Church, each family
is called to holiness. In fact, Jesus Christ has instituted two Sacraments in
His Church to make society holy – the Sacrament of priesthood and the
Sacrament of marriage. Through the Sacrament of priesthood, Jesus
sanctifies the priest as well as his parish. Similarly, by the Sacrament of
marriage, Jesus sanctifies not only the spouses but also the entire family. The
husband and wife attain holiness when they discharge their duties faithfully,
trusting in God, and drawing on the presence and power of the Holy Spirit
through personal and family prayer, meditative reading of the Bible, and devout
participation in Holy Mass. Families become holy when Christ Jesus is
present in them. Jesus becomes truly present in the parish church through the
Sacrifice of the Holy Mass. Similarly, Jesus becomes truly present in a
family when all the members live in the Christian spirit of sacrifice. This
happens when there is mutual understanding, mutual support and mutual respect.
There must be proper care and respect given by children to their parents
and grandparents, even after they have grown up and left home.
3) We need to make the family a confessional rather than a
courtroom. A senior Judge of the Supreme Court recently congratulated the
bride and groom in a marriage with a pertinent piece of advice: “See that you
never convert your family into a courtroom; instead let it be a confessional.
If the husband and wife start arguing like attorneys in an attempt to justify
their behavior, their family becomes a court of law and nobody wins. On
the other hand, if the husband and the wife -- as in a confessional -- are
ready to admit their faults and try to correct them, the family becomes a
heavenly one.” Thus, we can avoid the dangers we watch in dysfunctional
families as presented in TV in the shows like Married with Children, The
Simpson’s, Everyone Loves Raymond and Malcolm in the Middle.
4) Every Holy Mass in which we participate is our
presentation. Although we were officially presented to God on the day of our
Baptism, we present ourselves and our dear ones on the altar before God our Father
through our Savior Jesus Christ at every Holy Mass. Hence, we need to live our
daily lives with the awareness both that we are dedicated people consecrated to
God and that we are obliged to lead holy lives.
5) Let us extend the boundaries of our family: The homeless
man or woman today in the streets of big cities, fighting the cold and the
snow, is part of our family. The drug addict in a den, or living in fear and
aloneness this day, is member of our family. The sick person, dying, alone,
dirty and maybe even obnoxious, is a member of our family. The person sitting
in the prison cell for whatever reason is also a child of God, and as such,
according to St. John, is a member of our family. All these, as well as the
cherished intimate members of our family, are “family valuables,” and, as such,
are worthy of safekeeping and reverence.
On the Feast of the only perfect Family that ever lived on
this earth, all parents might examine themselves and see how well they are
fulfilling the grave responsibility which God has placed on them. As they heard
during their marriage ceremony: "children are a gift from God to
you." Children serve as the joy of their parents’ young years and
the help and comfort of their old age, but above and beyond that, they are a gift
for which their parents are accountable before God, as they must, in the end,
return these, His children, to Him. Let us pray for the grace of caring
for one another in our own families, for each member of the parish family, and
for all families of the universal Church. May God bless all our families in the
New Year.
Catholic tradition suggests a few practical ways for us to
imitate the Holy Family:
(http://karlaschultz.wordpress.com/2010/11/25/how-to-imitate-the-holy-family/)
1. We need to hang an image of the Holy Family on the wall.
The photos we keep in frames are reminders of who we are, where we’ve come from
and the standard we have to live up to. In 1890, Pope Leo XIII urged everyone
to keep a picture of the Holy Family in the home. At least it can serve as an
antidote to the dysfunctional family images we get on TV.
2. We need to cultivate silence. This is the quality Pope
Paul VI found most inspiring in the Holy Family. They lived a hidden life, a
quiet life, a life with lots of room for thinking. With TV, radio and the
Internet clogging our minds and senses, we leave our families little room for
thought or prayer. Our interior dialogue with God gets crowded out by ads and
John and Yoko singing “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” on the oldies channel. We
need to do what it takes to bring silence home — move the TV so that it’s not
the centerpiece of our household; turn it off when no one’s watching. This is
guaranteed to reduce family stress levels.
4. We need to make our home a haven of charity. One of the
most striking descriptions of the Church comes from a third-century
Christian: “It’s our care of the helpless, our practice of loving kindness that
brands us in the eyes of many of our opponents, who say, ‘See those Christians,
how they love one another.’” Such charity has to begin at home. The home is the
“domestic Church.” Yet how many of us Catholics decry the lack of
reverence in their our Church then go home to desecrate our domestic churches —
by harsh words toward our kids or our spouse, or by gossip about the neighbors,
co-workers or even priests? Remember: “They’ll know we are Christians” — not
just by the nativity scene in our front yard — but by the love in our hearts,
expressed in our homes.
5. We need to make our home a place of prayer. Our day
needn't be dominated by devotions, but we should have some regular, routine
family prayers, just as the Holy Family did. They prayed and studied the
Scriptures, but still managed to get their work done. There are many ways we
can pray as a family, and we should seek the ways that work best for our tribe.
We can pray together at the beginning of the day, or at the end. We should, at
least, be saying grace at every meal. We can pray the Rosary together, begin a
weekly family Bible study, go to a weekday Mass. It might be advisable to begin
with something small and manageable and then give ourselves time to grow into
it before tackling something bigger.
**************
Illustrations: From
Fr. Tony Kadavil
1: Grandparents are a
treasure:
Pope Francis said that as a child, he heard a story of a
family with a mother, father, many children and a grandfather. The grandfather,
suffering from Parkinson’s illness, would drop food on the dining table, and
smear it all over his face when he ate. His son considered it disgusting.
Hence, one day he bought a small table and set it off to the side of the dining
hall so the grandfather would eat, make a mess and not disturb the rest of the
family. One day, the Pope said, the grandfather’s son came home and found one
of his sons playing with a piece of wood. “What are you making?” he asked his
son. “A table,” the son replies. “Why?” the father asks. “It’s for you, Dad,
when you get old like grandpa, I am going to give you this table.” Ever since
that day, the grandpa was given a prominent seat at the dining table and all
the help he needed in eating by his son and daughter-in-law. “This story has
done me such good throughout my life,” said the Pope, who will celebrate his
78th birthday on December 17. “Grandparents are a treasure,” he said. “Often
old age isn’t pretty, right? There is sickness and all that, but the wisdom our
grandparents have is something we must welcome as an inheritance.” A society or
community that does not value, respect and care for its elderly members “doesn’t
have a future because it has no memory, it’s lost its memory,” Pope Francis
added.
(http://www.catholicherald.co.uk/news/2013/11/19/grandparents-are-a-treasure-says-pope-francis/)
2: Cancer, heart
disease and family relationship:
A few years ago, a study was undertaken to find the U.S.
city with the lowest incidence of cancer and heart disease. The winner
was Rosetto, Pennsylvania. Soon experts descended upon the city expecting to
see a town populated by non-smokers, people who ate the correct food, took
regular exercise and kept close track of their cholesterol. To their
great surprise, however, the researchers discovered that none of the above was
true. They found instead that the city’s good health was tied to the close
family bonds that prevailed within the community. This suggests that
there is much to be said for a close and loving family relationship. (Robert
Duggan & Richard Jajac).
3: Dying of
loneliness:
In an audience Pope Paul VI told how one day, when he was
Archbishop of Milan, he went out on parish visitation. During the course of the
visitation he found an old woman living alone. ‘How are you?’ he asked her.
‘Not bad,’ she answered. ‘I have enough food, and I’m not suffering from the
cold.’ ‘You must be reasonably happy then?’ he said. ‘No, I’m not’, she said as
she started to cry. ‘You see, my son and daughter-in-law never come to see me.
I’m dying of loneliness.’ Afterwards he was haunted by the phrase ‘I’m dying of
loneliness’. And the Pope concluded: ‘Food and warmth are not enough in
themselves. People need something more. They need our presence, our time, our
love. They need to be touched, to be reassured that they are not forgotten’
(Flor McCarthy in New Sunday and Holy Day Liturgies).
4: Dying of loneliness:
In an audience Pope Paul VI told how one day, when he was Archbishop
of Milan, he went out on parish visitation. During the course of the visitation
he found an old woman living alone. ‘How are you?’ he asked her. ‘Not bad,’ she
answered. ‘I have enough food, and I’m not suffering from the cold.’ ‘You must
be reasonably happy then?’ he said. ‘No, I’m not’, she said as she started to
cry. ‘You see, my son and daughter-in-law never come to see me. I’m dying of
loneliness.’ Afterwards he was haunted by the phrase ‘I’m dying of loneliness’.
And the Pope concluded: ‘Food and warmth are not enough in themselves. People
need something more. They need our presence, our time, our love. They need to
be touched, to be reassured that they are not forgotten.’ (Flor McCarthy in
‘New Sunday and Holy Day Liturgies’)
5: “Daddy, could you please sell me one hour of your time?”
A little boy greets his father as he returns from work with a
question: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” The father is surprised and
says, “Look, son, not even your mother knows. Don’t bother me now, I’m tired.”
“But Daddy, just tell me please! How much do you make an hour?” the boy
insists. The father finally gives up and replies, “Twenty dollars.” “Okay,
Daddy,” the boy continues, “Could you loan me ten dollars?” The father yells at
him, “So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right? Now, go to sleep
and don’t bother me anymore!” At night the father thinks over what he said and
starts feeling guilty. Maybe his son needed to buy something. Finally, he goes
to his son's room. “Are you asleep, son?” asks the father. “No, Daddy. Why?”
replies the boy. “Here's the money you asked for earlier,” the father said.
“Thanks, Daddy!” replies the boy and receives the money. The he reaches under
his pillow and brings out some more money. “Now I have enough! Now I have
twenty dollars!” says the boy to his father, “Daddy, could you sell me one hour
of your time?” Today’s readings have a message for this man and for all of us,
and the message is that we need to invest more of our time in our family life.
6: Making the family a confessional rather than a court room.
A senior Judge of the Supreme Court once congratulated the bride and
groom in a marriage with a pertinent piece of advice: “See that you never
convert your family into a court room; instead let it be a confessional. If the
husband and wife start arguing like attorneys, in an attempt to justify their
behavior, their family becomes a court of law and nobody wins. On the other
hand, if the husband and the wife -- as in a confessional -- are ready to admit
their faults and try to correct them, the family becomes a heavenly one.” Thus
we can avoid the dangers we watch in dysfunctional families as presented in TV
in the shows like Married with Children, The Simpson’s, Everyone Loves Raymond
and Malcolm in the Middle.
7: Let us extend the boundaries of our family:
The homeless man or woman today in the streets of big cities,
fighting the cold and the snow, is part of our family. The drug addict in a
den, or living in fear and aloneness this day, is a member of our family. The
sick person, dying, alone, dirty and maybe even obnoxious, is a member of our
family. The person sitting in the prison cell for whatever reason is also a
child of God, and as such, according to St. John, is a member of our family.
All these, as well as the cherished intimate members of our family, are “family
valuables,” and, as such, are worthy of safekeeping and reverence. Let us pray
for the grace of caring for one another in our own families, for each member of
the parish family, and for all families of the universal Church.
8: Every Holy Mass in which we participate is our feast of
presentation.
Although we were officially presented to God on the day of our
baptism we are presenting ourselves and our dear ones on the altar before God
our Father through our Savior Jesus Christ at every Holy Mass. Hence we need to
live our daily lives with the double awareness that we are dedicated people
consecrated to God and that we are obliged to lead holy lives.
1: Long Training: A mother goes to her pastor and explains that her
son seems very interested in becoming a priest. She would like to know what
this would require. So the priest begins to explain: "If he wants to
become a diocesan priest, he'll have to study for eight years. If he wants to
become a Franciscan, he'll have to study for ten years. If he wants to become a
Jesuit, he'll have to study for fourteen years." [This joke originated
back when young men entered seminaries right after high school.] The mother
listens carefully, and as the priest concludes, her eyes brighten. "Sign
him up for that last one, Father -- he's a little slow!"
****************
From Sermon
Illustrations:
One boat began falling behind. Not enough fuel. There had
been plenty of coal for the trip, but not enough for a race. As the boat
dropped back, an enterprising young sailor took some of the ship's cargo and
tossed it into the ovens. When the sailors saw that the supplies burned as well
as the coal, they fueled their boat with the material they had been assigned to
transport. They ended up winning the race, but burned their cargo.
God has entrusted cargo to us, too: children, spouses,
friends. Our job is to do our part in seeing that this cargo reaches its
destination. Yet when the program takes priority over people, people often
suffer. How much cargo do we sacrifice in order to achieve the number one slot?
How many people never reach the destination because of the aggressiveness of a
competitive captain?
In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado Word
Publishing, 1991, pp. 97-98.
Charles Francis Adams, grandson of 2nd President John Adams,
son of 6th president John Quincy Adams, in U.S. News and World Report,
Dec 12, 1988
Campus Life, October, 1980.
Unknown.
The evidence is convincing that the better our relationships
are at home, the more effective we are in our careers. If we're having
difficulty with a loved one, that difficulty will be translated into reduced
performance on the job. In studying the millionaires in America (U.S. News and
World Report), a picture of the "typical" millionaire is an
individual who has worked eight to ten hours a day for thirty years and is
still married to his or her high school or college sweetheart. A New York
executive search firm, in a study of 1365 corporate vice presidents, discovered
that 87% were still married to their one and only spouse and that 92% were
raised in two-parent families. The evidence is overwhelming that the family is
the strength and foundation of society. Strengthen your family ties and you'll
enhance your opportunity to succeed.
Zig Ziglar in Homemade, March 1989.
*Communicating and listening *Affirming and supporting family members *Respecting
one another *Developing a sense of trust *Sharing time and responsibility
*Knowing right from wrong *Having rituals and traditions *Sharing a religious
core *Respecting privacy.
Focus on the Family Bulletin, December, 1988 .
Appreciation.
"Family members gave one another compliments and sincere demonstrations of
approval. They tried to make the others feel appreciated and good about
themselves."
Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner. "They were willing to take a bad situation, see something positive in it and focus on that."
Time Together. "In all areas of their lives--meals, work, recreation--they structured their schedules to spend time together."
High Degree of Commitment. "Families promoted each person's happiness and welfare, invested time and energy in each other and made family their number one priority."
Good Communication Patterns. "These families spent time talking with each other. They also listened well, which shows respect."
High Degree of Religious Orientation. "Not all belonged to an organized church, but they considered themselves highly religious." (1983)
Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner. "They were willing to take a bad situation, see something positive in it and focus on that."
Time Together. "In all areas of their lives--meals, work, recreation--they structured their schedules to spend time together."
High Degree of Commitment. "Families promoted each person's happiness and welfare, invested time and energy in each other and made family their number one priority."
Good Communication Patterns. "These families spent time talking with each other. They also listened well, which shows respect."
High Degree of Religious Orientation. "Not all belonged to an organized church, but they considered themselves highly religious." (1983)
Human Development and Family Department at the University of
Nebraska- Lincoln.
U.S. News and World Report, Dec 25, 1989.
Fingertip Facts.
Moody Monthly, December, 1989, p. 72.
*Marriage loses its
sacredness...is frequently broken by divorce.
*Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.
*Feminist movements abound.
*Increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general.
*Acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity, and rebellion.
*Refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities.
*Growing desire for and acceptance of adultery.
*Increasing interest in and spread of sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.
*Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.
*Feminist movements abound.
*Increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general.
*Acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity, and rebellion.
*Refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities.
*Growing desire for and acceptance of adultery.
*Increasing interest in and spread of sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.
Swindoll, The Quest For Character, Multnomah, p. 90.
1. Pay off your credit
cards.
2. Take off ten pounds or accept where you are without any more complaints.
3. Eat dinner together as a family for seven days in a row.
4. Take your wife on a dialogue date (no movie, guys).
5. Read your kids a classic book (Twain's a good start).
6. Memorize the Twenty-third Psalm as a family.
7. Give each family member a hug for twenty-one days in a row (that's how long the experts say it takes to develop a habit).
2. Take off ten pounds or accept where you are without any more complaints.
3. Eat dinner together as a family for seven days in a row.
4. Take your wife on a dialogue date (no movie, guys).
5. Read your kids a classic book (Twain's a good start).
6. Memorize the Twenty-third Psalm as a family.
7. Give each family member a hug for twenty-one days in a row (that's how long the experts say it takes to develop a habit).
8. Pick a night of the
week in which the television will remain unplugged.
9. Go out for a non-fast food dinner as a family.
10. Pray for your spouse and children every day.
11. Plan a vacation together.
12. Take a vacation together.
13. Read a chapter from the Bible every day until it becomes a habit.
14. Sit together as a family in church.
15. Surprise your teenage. Wash his car and fill up his gas tank.
16. Take an afternoon off from work; surprise your child by excusing him from school and taking him to a ball game.
17. Take a few hours one afternoon and go to the library as a family.
18. Take a walk as a family.
19. Write each member of your family a letter sharing why you value them.
20. Give your spouse a weekend getaway with a friend (same gender!) to a place of their choice.
21. Go camping as a family.
22. Go to bed early (one hour before your normal bedtime) every day for a week.
23. Take each of your children out to breakfast (individually) at least once a month for a year.
24. Turn down a promotion that would demand more time from your family than you can afford to give.
25. Religiously wear your seat belts.
26. Get a complete physical.
27. Exercise a little every day for a month.
28. Make sure you have adequate life insurance on both you and your spouse.
29. Write out information about finances, wills, and important business information that your spouse can use to keep things under control in the event of your death.
30. Make sure your family car is safe (tires, brakes, etc.) and get it tuned up.
31. Replace the batteries in your smoke alarm.
32. Put a security system in your house.
33. Attend the parent/teacher meetings of each child as a couple.
34. Help your kids with their homework.
35. Watch the kids on Saturday while your wife goes shopping (but if a friend calls, don't say that you're "babysitting").
36. Explain to your spouse exactly what you do for a living.
37. Put together a picture puzzle. (One thousand pieces or more.)
38. Take time during the week to read a Bible story to your children and then discuss it with them.
39. Encourage each child to submit to you his most perplexing question, and promise him that you'll either answer it or discuss it with him.
40. Finish fixing something around the house.
41. Tell your kids how you and your spouse met.
42. Tell your kids about your first date.
43. Sit down and write your parents a letter thanking them for a specific thing they did for you. (Don't forget to send it!)
44. Go on a shopping spree where you are absolutely committed to buying nothing.
45. Keep a prayer journal for a month. Keep track of the specific ways that God answers your needs.
46. Do some stargazing away from the city with your family. Help your children identify constellations and conclude the evening with prayer to the majestic God who created the heavens.
47. Treat your wife to a beauty make-over (facial, manicure, haircut, etc.). I hear they really like this.
48. Give the kids an alternative to watching Saturday morning cartoons (breakfast at McDonald's, garage sales, the park, chores, etc.).
49. Ask your children each day what they did at school (what they learned, who they ate lunch with, etc.).
50. After you make your next major family decision, take your child back through the process and teach him how you arrived at your decision.
51. Start saying to yourself "My car doesn't look so bad."
52. Call you wife or husband from work just to see how they're doing.
53. Compile a family tree and teach your children the history of their ancestors.
54. Walk through an old graveyard with your children.
55. Say no to at least one thing a day -- even if it's only a second piece of pie.
56. Write that letter to the network that broadcast the show you felt was inappropriate for prime-time viewing.
57. Turn off the lights and listen to a "praise" tape as you focus your thoughts on the Lord.
58. Write a note to your pastor praising him for something.
59. Take back all the books in your library that actually belong in someone else's library.
60. Give irritating drivers the right to pull in front of you without signaling and yelling at them.
61. Make every effort to not let the sun go down on your anger.
62. Accept legitimate criticism from your wife or a friend without reacting or defending yourself.
63. If your car has a Christian bumper sticker on in -- drive like it.
64. Do a Bible study on the "wise man" and the "fool" in Proverbs...and then apply what it takes to be wise to your life.
65. Make a list of people who have hurt your feelings over the past year...then check your list to see if you've forgiven them.
66. Make a decision to honor your parents, even if they made a career out of dishonoring you.
67. Take your children to the dentist and doctor for your wife.
68. Play charades with your family, but limit subjects to memories of the past.
69. Do the dishes for your wife.
70. Schedule yourself a free day to stay home with your family.
71. Get involved in a family project that serves or helps someone less fortunate.
72. As a family, get involved in a recreational activity.
73. Send your wife flowers.
74. Spend an evening going through old pictures from family vacations.
75. Take a weekend once a year for you and your spouse to get away and renew your friendship.
76. Praise your spouse and children -- in their presence -- to someone else.
77. Discuss a world or national problem, and ask your children for their opinion on it.
78. Wait up for your teenagers when they are out on dates.
79. Have a "quiet Saturday" (no television, no radio, no stereo...no kidding).
80. If your children are little, spend an hour playing with them -- but let them determine the game.
81. Have your parents tell your children about life when they were young.
82. Give up soap operas.
83. De-clutter your house.
84. If you have a habit of watching late night television, but have to be to work early every morning, change your habit.
85. Don't accept unnecessary breakfast appointments.
86. Write missionaries regularly.
87. Go through your closets and give everything that you haven't worn in a year to a clothing relief organization.
88. Become a faithful and frequent visitor of your church's library.
89. Become a monthly supporter of a Third World child.
90. Keep mementos, school projects, awards, etc. of each child in separate files. You'll appreciate these when they've left the nest.
91. Read the biography of a missionary.
92. Give regularly and faithfully to conscientious church endeavors.
93. Place with your will a letter to each family member telling why you were glad you got to share life with him or her.
94. Go through your old records and tapes and discard any of them that might be a bad testimony to your children.
95. Furnish a room (or a corner of a room) with comfortable chairs and declare it the "disagreement corner." When conflicts arise, go to this corner and don't leave until it's resolved.
96. Give each child the freedom to pick his favorite dinner menu at least once a week.
97. Go over to a shut-in's house as a family and completely clean it and get the lawn work done.
98. Call an old friend from your past, just to see how he or she is getting along.
99. Get a good friend to hold you accountable for a specific important need (Bible reading, prayer, spending time with your family, losing a few pounds, etc.).
100. Establish a budget.
101. Go to a Christian marriage enrichment seminar.
9. Go out for a non-fast food dinner as a family.
10. Pray for your spouse and children every day.
11. Plan a vacation together.
12. Take a vacation together.
13. Read a chapter from the Bible every day until it becomes a habit.
14. Sit together as a family in church.
15. Surprise your teenage. Wash his car and fill up his gas tank.
16. Take an afternoon off from work; surprise your child by excusing him from school and taking him to a ball game.
17. Take a few hours one afternoon and go to the library as a family.
18. Take a walk as a family.
19. Write each member of your family a letter sharing why you value them.
20. Give your spouse a weekend getaway with a friend (same gender!) to a place of their choice.
21. Go camping as a family.
22. Go to bed early (one hour before your normal bedtime) every day for a week.
23. Take each of your children out to breakfast (individually) at least once a month for a year.
24. Turn down a promotion that would demand more time from your family than you can afford to give.
25. Religiously wear your seat belts.
26. Get a complete physical.
27. Exercise a little every day for a month.
28. Make sure you have adequate life insurance on both you and your spouse.
29. Write out information about finances, wills, and important business information that your spouse can use to keep things under control in the event of your death.
30. Make sure your family car is safe (tires, brakes, etc.) and get it tuned up.
31. Replace the batteries in your smoke alarm.
32. Put a security system in your house.
33. Attend the parent/teacher meetings of each child as a couple.
34. Help your kids with their homework.
35. Watch the kids on Saturday while your wife goes shopping (but if a friend calls, don't say that you're "babysitting").
36. Explain to your spouse exactly what you do for a living.
37. Put together a picture puzzle. (One thousand pieces or more.)
38. Take time during the week to read a Bible story to your children and then discuss it with them.
39. Encourage each child to submit to you his most perplexing question, and promise him that you'll either answer it or discuss it with him.
40. Finish fixing something around the house.
41. Tell your kids how you and your spouse met.
42. Tell your kids about your first date.
43. Sit down and write your parents a letter thanking them for a specific thing they did for you. (Don't forget to send it!)
44. Go on a shopping spree where you are absolutely committed to buying nothing.
45. Keep a prayer journal for a month. Keep track of the specific ways that God answers your needs.
46. Do some stargazing away from the city with your family. Help your children identify constellations and conclude the evening with prayer to the majestic God who created the heavens.
47. Treat your wife to a beauty make-over (facial, manicure, haircut, etc.). I hear they really like this.
48. Give the kids an alternative to watching Saturday morning cartoons (breakfast at McDonald's, garage sales, the park, chores, etc.).
49. Ask your children each day what they did at school (what they learned, who they ate lunch with, etc.).
50. After you make your next major family decision, take your child back through the process and teach him how you arrived at your decision.
51. Start saying to yourself "My car doesn't look so bad."
52. Call you wife or husband from work just to see how they're doing.
53. Compile a family tree and teach your children the history of their ancestors.
54. Walk through an old graveyard with your children.
55. Say no to at least one thing a day -- even if it's only a second piece of pie.
56. Write that letter to the network that broadcast the show you felt was inappropriate for prime-time viewing.
57. Turn off the lights and listen to a "praise" tape as you focus your thoughts on the Lord.
58. Write a note to your pastor praising him for something.
59. Take back all the books in your library that actually belong in someone else's library.
60. Give irritating drivers the right to pull in front of you without signaling and yelling at them.
61. Make every effort to not let the sun go down on your anger.
62. Accept legitimate criticism from your wife or a friend without reacting or defending yourself.
63. If your car has a Christian bumper sticker on in -- drive like it.
64. Do a Bible study on the "wise man" and the "fool" in Proverbs...and then apply what it takes to be wise to your life.
65. Make a list of people who have hurt your feelings over the past year...then check your list to see if you've forgiven them.
66. Make a decision to honor your parents, even if they made a career out of dishonoring you.
67. Take your children to the dentist and doctor for your wife.
68. Play charades with your family, but limit subjects to memories of the past.
69. Do the dishes for your wife.
70. Schedule yourself a free day to stay home with your family.
71. Get involved in a family project that serves or helps someone less fortunate.
72. As a family, get involved in a recreational activity.
73. Send your wife flowers.
74. Spend an evening going through old pictures from family vacations.
75. Take a weekend once a year for you and your spouse to get away and renew your friendship.
76. Praise your spouse and children -- in their presence -- to someone else.
77. Discuss a world or national problem, and ask your children for their opinion on it.
78. Wait up for your teenagers when they are out on dates.
79. Have a "quiet Saturday" (no television, no radio, no stereo...no kidding).
80. If your children are little, spend an hour playing with them -- but let them determine the game.
81. Have your parents tell your children about life when they were young.
82. Give up soap operas.
83. De-clutter your house.
84. If you have a habit of watching late night television, but have to be to work early every morning, change your habit.
85. Don't accept unnecessary breakfast appointments.
86. Write missionaries regularly.
87. Go through your closets and give everything that you haven't worn in a year to a clothing relief organization.
88. Become a faithful and frequent visitor of your church's library.
89. Become a monthly supporter of a Third World child.
90. Keep mementos, school projects, awards, etc. of each child in separate files. You'll appreciate these when they've left the nest.
91. Read the biography of a missionary.
92. Give regularly and faithfully to conscientious church endeavors.
93. Place with your will a letter to each family member telling why you were glad you got to share life with him or her.
94. Go through your old records and tapes and discard any of them that might be a bad testimony to your children.
95. Furnish a room (or a corner of a room) with comfortable chairs and declare it the "disagreement corner." When conflicts arise, go to this corner and don't leave until it's resolved.
96. Give each child the freedom to pick his favorite dinner menu at least once a week.
97. Go over to a shut-in's house as a family and completely clean it and get the lawn work done.
98. Call an old friend from your past, just to see how he or she is getting along.
99. Get a good friend to hold you accountable for a specific important need (Bible reading, prayer, spending time with your family, losing a few pounds, etc.).
100. Establish a budget.
101. Go to a Christian marriage enrichment seminar.
Tim Kimmel, Little House on the Freeway, pp. 219-223.
At the annual family-reunion picnic, a young bride led her
husband over to an old woman busily crocheting in a rocker. "Granny,"
she said, touching the old woman's hand affectionately, "this is my new
husband." The woman eyed him critically for a long moment, then asked
abruptly, "Do you desire children?" Startled by her bluntness, the
young man blushed and stammered, "Well-uh-yes, I do very much."
"Well," she said, looking scornfully at the large tribe gathered
around the six picnic tables, "try to control it!"
Colleen Pifer.
Rose Sands, The Saturday Evening Post.
Robert Orben.
Earl Wilson.
James Dent, Charleston, W.Va., Gazette.
Unknown.