Collection from Fr. Tony Kadavil and Others
One
day, the Pope said, the grandfather’s son came home and found one of his sons
playing with a piece of wood. “What are you making?” he asked his son. “A
table,” the son replies. “Why?” the father asks. “It’s for you, Dad, when you
get old like grandpa, I am going to give you this table.” Ever since that day,
the grandpa was given a prominent seat at the dining table and all the help he
needed in eating by his son and daughter-in-law. “This story has done me such
good throughout my life,” said the Pope, who celebrated his birthday on
December 17. “Grandparents are a treasure,” he said. “Often old age isn’t
pretty, right? There is sickness and all that, but the wisdom our grandparents
have is something we must welcome as an inheritance.” A society or community
that does not value, respect and care for its elderly members “doesn’t have a
future because it has no memory, it’s lost its memory,” Pope Francis added. (http://www.catholicherald.co.uk/news/2013/11/19/grandparents-are-a-treasure-says-pope-francis/)
# 1: Grandparents are a treasure: Pope
Francis said that as a child, he heard a story of a family with a mother,
father, many children and a grandfather. The grandfather, suffering from
Parkinson’s illness, would drop food on the dining table, and smear it all over
his face when he ate. His son considered it disgusting. Hence, one day he
bought a small table and set it off to the side of the dining hall so the
grandfather could eat, make a mess and not disturb the rest of the family.
2: Cancer, heart disease and family relationship:
A few years ago, a study was undertaken to find the U.S. city with the
lowest incidence of cancer and heart disease. The winner was Rosetto,
Pennsylvania. Soon experts descended upon the city expecting to see a town
populated by non-smokers, people who ate the correct food, took regular
exercise and kept close track of their cholesterol. To their great
surprise, however, the researchers discovered that none of the above was true.
They found instead that the city’s good health was tied to the close family
bonds that prevailed within the community. This suggests that there
is much to be said for a close and loving family relationship. (Robert Duggan
& Richard Jajac).
3: Dying of loneliness: In an audience,
Pope St. Paul VI told how one day, when he was Archbishop of Milan, he went out
on parish visitation. During the course of the visitation he found an old woman
living alone. “How are you?” he asked her. “Not bad,” she answered. “I have
enough food, and I’m not suffering from the cold.” “You must be reasonably
happy then?” he said. “No, I’m not,” she said as she started to cry. “You see,
my son and daughter-in-law never come to see me. I’m dying of loneliness.”
Afterwards he was haunted by the phrase “I’m dying of loneliness.” And the Pope
concluded: “Food and warmth are not enough in themselves. People need something
more. They need our presence, our time, our love. They need to be touched, to
be reassured that they are not forgotten.” (Flor McCarthy in New Sunday
and Holy Day Liturgies).
4: Long Training: A mother goes to her
pastor and explains that her son seems very interested in becoming a priest.
She would like to know what this would require. So the priest
begins to explain: “If he wants to become a diocesan priest, he’ll have
to study for eight years. If he wants to become a Franciscan, he’ll have
to study for ten years. If he wants to become a Jesuit, he’ll have to
study for fourteen years.” [This joke originated back when young men
entered seminaries right after high school.] The mother listens carefully,
and as the priest concludes, her eyes brighten. “Sign him up for that last one,
Father — he’s a little slow!”
5) Encounter with an angry, Karate black-belt wife:
A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he went
partying with the boys and didn’t return till Sunday night. His wife was
furious, and after a lengthy tirade finally said, “How would you like it, if
you didn’t see me for two or three days?” “I’d like it just fine!” he slurred.
And that’s what happened. All day Monday, he didn’t see her even once. Tuesday
and Wednesday passed without his seeing her. Finally, on Thursday afternoon, he
caught just a glimpse of her as the swelling of his eyes started to go down.
6) Shrewd girl: One day, a little girl was
sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly
noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in
contrast on her head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
“Why are some of your hairs white, mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every
time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns
white.” The little girl thought for a while, and said, “Momma, how come
that grandma’s head is full of white hair?”
7) Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s
immortal words: “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the
landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall
fight in the hills.” It sounds exactly like our family vacation. (Robert
Orben).
8) “Nobody’s said hello yet.” A woman was at
home doing some cleaning when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she
tripped on a scatter rug and, grabbing for something to hold onto, seized the
telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring receiver off the hook. As it
fell, it hit the family dog, who leaped up, howling and barking. The woman’s
three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman
mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and
lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband’s voice on the other end
say, “Nobody’s said hello yet, but I’m positive I have the right number.”
(James Dent, Charleston, W.Va., Gazette).
9) Rent-a-family: It started with
Rent-A-Wife, a small Petaluma, California, company created by Karen Donovan to
help clients decorate their homes, balance checkbooks, run errands, etc.
Donovan, who launched her business through a small ad in the local newspaper,
is already thinking big after four months of operation. She wants to hire her
father to initiate Rent-A-Husband and her two teens to start Rent-A-Family. “We
can do what any family does,” the new-fangled entrepreneur joked. “We can come
over and eat all the food, turn on all the lights, put handprints on the walls,
take showers and leave the towels on the floor. When clients are finished with
Rent-A-Family, they’ll have to call Rent-A-Wife. (Campus Life, October
1980).
10) Sue your parents! In 1978, Thomas Hansen
of Boulder Colorado, sued his parents for $350,000 on grounds of “malpractice
of parenting.” Mom and Dad had botched his upbringing so badly, he charged in
his suit, that he would need years of costly psychiatric treatment.
35– Additional anecdotes:
1) “If you bungle raising your children…” In
a rare personal interview, granted not long before her death, Jacqueline
Kennedy Onassis remarked: “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think
whatever else you do will matter very much” (Good Housekeeping, July
1994). For a woman whose wealth, education, background and connections could
have assured her a prestigious career in academia, politics or diplomacy, her
statement may seem surprising. However, despite all the possibilities she could
have pursued for herself, Mrs. Kennedy was convinced that family was ultimately
the most important entity in her life; to her credit, she lived by that
conviction. (Sanchez Files) Because family is the resting ground where values
and virtues are inculcated and cultivated, healthy families are essential to
the well-being of society. As anyone can attest, however, during the past
quarter century, a variety of factors have contributed to the progressive
fragmentation, isolation and structural evolution of the family unit, e.g. (1)
an ever-increasing rate of divorce (more than one million per year in the
U.S.); (2) a steady rise in the number of single-parent householders; one-third
of all school-aged children live with only one parent; (3) in more than 50% of
all households, both parents must seek employment outside the home; (4)
mobility: more than 20% of American families change their residence annually or
more often. These factors are compounded by what Dr. William Bennet has described
as a cultural disintegration. “We have ceased being clear about the standards
we hold and the principles by which we judge. As a result, we have suffered a
cultural breakdown of sorts, in areas like education, family life, crime and
drug abuse, as well as in our attitudes toward sex, individual responsibility,
civic duty and public services.” (The De-valuing of America: The Fight For
Our Culture and Our Children, Summit Books: 1992).
2) The Messiah is one of you.” The
following fable offers a powerful example of the contagious grace of change.
The membership of a once numerous order of monks had dwindled over the
years, until there were only five brothers left in what had been a thriving
community. For years, people from the surrounding area had been drawn to the
monastery in search of the learning and spiritual renewal they found there.
Now, no one ever visited as the spirit of the place and its inhabitants seemed
to be slowly dying.
One day, however, a rabbi happened by to visit. When he was
about to leave, one of the brothers asked the rabbi if he had any advice
on how they could revitalize themselves and make their monastery a spiritual
center once again. After a few moments, the rabbi replied, “The only thing I
can tell you is that the Messiah is one of you.” Flabbergasted, the brothers
replied, “The Messiah among us? Impossible!” As the weeks passed,
the brothers puzzled over the rabbi’s startling revelation. If the Messiah were
here, who would it be? Maybe, Brother Timothy . . . he’s the abbot and in his
capacity as leader, he could surely be chosen to be the Messiah. It couldn’t be
Bro. Mark; He’s always so argumentative, but, he’s usually right . . . Or
maybe, it’s Bro. Pius who tends the garden and the animals. He could probably
nourish a troubled world if he were the Messiah. Surely, it could be Bro.
Dominic; he’s studious, learned and familiar with all the great spiritual
writers. It couldn’t be Peter, could it? Certainly, the Messiah couldn’t be the
one who cleaned toilets, dirty laundry and scrubbed the pots and pans each day.
Or, could it? Since the monks were unable to determine which one of them was
the Messiah, they began to treat one another as though each were the one.
Moreover, just in case he himself might be the Messiah, each monk began to
treat himself with new respect and to conduct himself with greater dignity.
Within a few weeks, the monastery’s occasional visitors were awed by the love,
goodness and revitalized spirituality they experienced. They returned again and
again and brought new friends along. Soon, a few young men asked to be admitted
to the order and the monastery thrived again. Imagine the possibilities for
growth and renewal if each family were to take to heart the rabbi’s words, “the
Messiah is one of you.” How much more might spouses love and cherish one
another . . . how much more might parents value their children, protect them,
teach them and lovingly attend to their needs . . . how much more might
children honor and appreciate their parents. If each member of every family
were to reverence one another as the Messiah, i.e., as Jesus who is our Savior
and brother, how much might that strengthen and secure those familial bonds
that are the infrastructure, without which our society has no future. (Sanchez
Files)
3) “Daddy, could you please sell me one hour of your
time?” A little boy greets his father as he returns from work with a
question: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” The father is surprised and
says, “Look, son, not even your mother knows. Don’t bother me now, I’m tired.”
“But Daddy, just tell me please! How much do you make an hour?” the boy
insists. The father finally gives up and replies, “Twenty dollars.” “Okay,
Daddy,” the boy continues, “Could you loan me ten dollars?” The father yells at
him, “So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right? Now, go to sleep
and don’t bother me anymore!” At night the father thinks over what he said and
starts feeling guilty. Maybe his son needed to buy something. Finally, he goes
to his son’s room. “Are you asleep, son?” asks the father. “No, Daddy. Why?”
replies the boy. “Here’s the money you asked for earlier,” the father said.
“Thanks, Daddy!” replies the boy and receives the money. The he reaches under
his pillow and brings out some more money. “Now I have enough! Now I have
twenty dollars!” says the boy to his father, “Daddy, could you sell me one hour
of your time?” Today’s readings have a message for this man and for all of us,
and the message is that we need to invest more of our time in our family life.
4) “Paco, meet me at the Hotel Montana noon Tuesday. All
is forgiven.” In Ernest Hemingway’s short story, a Spanish newspaper
carried a poignant story about a father and his son. It goes like
this. A teen-aged boy, Paco, and his very wealthy father had a falling
out and the young man ran away from home. The father was crushed.
After a few days, he realized that the boy was serious, so the father set out
to find him. He searched high and low for five months to no avail.
Finally, in a last, desperate attempt to find his son, the father put an ad in
a Madrid newspaper. The ad read, “Dear Paco, Meet me at the
Hotel Montana noon Tuesday. All is forgiven. I love
you. Signed, Your Father. On Tuesday, in
the office of Hotel Montana, over 800 Pacos showed up, looking for love and
forgiveness from their fathers!! What a magnet that ad was. Over
800 Pacos!! The feast of the Holy Family reminds us that we need more
loving, forgiving fathers and mothers.
5) Don’t humiliate them! As a student, Daniel Webster
(US Senator, noted 19thcentury American political orator) was
particularly marked for being untidy. Finally, the teacher, in exasperation,
told him that if he appeared again with such dirty hands she would thrash him.
He did appear in the same condition. “Daniel”, she said, “hold out your hand.”
Daniel spat on his palm, with an intention to clean it, rubbed it on his
trousers and held it out. The teacher surveyed it in disgust. “Daniel”, she
said, “if you can find me another hand in this school that is dirtier than
that, I will let you off.” Daniel promptly held out his other hand! –Many
children with an eccentric trait blossom into geniuses. The teachers and
parents should not underestimate them or humiliate them. (G. Francis Xavier
in The World’s Best Inspiring Stories).
6) “Am I not a family valuable?” Rabbi Neil
Kurshan in his book Raising Your Child to be a Mensch (a
Yiddish word for a person having admirable characteristics such as fortitude
and firmness of purpose), tells this real story: A young woman about to be
married had come to the Rabbi for counseling. When she told the Rabbi that she
hoped she would not make the same mistakes her parents had made, he pressed her
to elaborate. The woman explained that each summer her wealthy parents traveled
to Europe while she remained behind with a nanny. One year, when the girl was
11, the housekeeper suddenly quit just shortly before her parents’ annual trip
to Europe. Upset that their vacation might be jeopardized, the parents quickly
found a replacement. A few days before their departure, the girl noticed that
her mother had wrapped the family jewels and silverware and placed them in the
safe. Since this had never been done before, she asked why. Her mother
explained that she could not trust the new housekeeper with the family
valuables. Though certainly not intended, that insensitive remark so shocked
and hurt the little girl that she never forgot it. Wasn’t she a family
valuable?Didn’t she have more value than silver knives and silver forks?
That is a question all of us could ask about our attitudes toward dependent
family members, young, old or in-between, this Holy Family Day.
7) “I never hugged my dad”! In his
book My Father, My Son, Dr. Lee Salk describes a moving interview
with Mark Chapman, the convicted slayer of Beatle John Lennon. At one point in
the interview, Chapman says: “I don’t think I ever hugged my father. He never
told me he loved me…I needed emotional love and support. I never got that.”
Chapman’s description of how he would treat a son if he had one is especially
tragic, because he will probably never get out of prison and have a family of
his own. He says: “I would hug my son and kiss him…and just let him know…he
could trust me and come to me…and (I would) tell him that I loved him.” Dr.
Salk ends his book with this advice to fathers and sons. It applies equally
well to mothers and daughters. “Don’t be afraid of your emotions, of telling
your father or your son that you love him and that you care. Don’t be afraid to
hug and kiss him. “Don’t wait until the deathbed to realize what you’ve
missed.” (Mark Link in Sunday Homilies).
8) “We are all equal in the eyes of God:”
Former President Jimmy Carter recently decided to leave the Baptist Church to
which he had belonged for sixty years. The reason was doctrinal
disagreement. The Southern Baptist Convention had just codified that women are
responsible for original sin and hence subservient to their husbands. President
Carter disagreed. He said: “This was in conflict with my belief – confirmed in
the Holy Scripture – that we are all equal in the eyes of God. … This view that
women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or Faith.
Consequently, they are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many
Faiths and led to some of the most pervasive, persistent, flagrant and damaging
examples of human-rights abuses.” So, Jimmy Carter’s conscience could no
longer allow him to be part of his lifelong Church. The Feast of the Holy
Family challenges the spouses to love and respect each other.
9 Grandfather’s wooden bowl:
(American version of anecdote no 1): A
frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old
grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step
faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s
shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon
onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The
son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something
about father,” said the son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating,
and food on the floor.” So the husband and wife set a small table in the
corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed
dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a
wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he
had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for
him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The
four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father
noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child
sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am
making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The
four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents
that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.
Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the
husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some
reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was
dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
10) “Have you ever seen a Saint
praying?” St. Teresa of Lisieux and St. Teresa of Avila have their
own stories about the influence their fathers had on their lives as
role models. The Little Flower used to ask an innocent question of her
first grader classmates: “Have you ever seen a Saint praying?” She would
add: “If you haven’t, come to my house in the evening. You will see my
dad on his knees in his room with outstretched arms, praying for us, his
children, every day.” She states in one of her letters from the convent:
“I have never seen or heard or experienced anything displeasing to Jesus in my
family.” St. Teresa of Avila was admitted against her will, by her
father, to a boarding house conducted by nuns in the final year of her
high school studies, as soon as he detected bad books and yellow magazines
hidden in her box. They were supplied by her spoiled friend and
classmate, Beatrice. St. Teresa later wrote as the Mother
Superior: “But for that daring and timely action of my father, I would have ended
up in the streets, as a notorious woman.” The feast of the Holy Family
challenges Christian fathers to be role models to their children.
11) “Those God makes six-eight have to look out for
those He makes three-three.” (Jesse Jackson tells the story of a visit
he made to the University of Southern Mississippi). While touring the campus
with the university president, he saw a towering male student, six-feet,
eight-inches tall, holding hands with a fidgety coed barely three-feet tall.
What a contrast, six-feet, eight-inches tall and only three-feet tall. His
curiosity piqued, Jackson watched as the young man, dressed in a warm-up suit,
tenderly kissed the tiny coed, and sent her off to class. The president said
that the student was a star basketball player. Both parents had passed away
when he was a teenager, and he made a vow to look after his sister. Many
scholarships came his way, but only Southern Mississippi offered one to his
sister, too. Jackson went over to the basketball star, introduced himself, and
said he appreciated the way he was looking out for his sister. The athlete
shrugged and said, “Those of us who God makes six-eight have to look out for
those He makes three-three.” (3) Don’t you wish every young person could have
that kind of love for his or her siblings? We live lives of faith and we look
out for those we love. (Rev. Duncan).
12) The morning after. A cartoon in
the New Yorker magazine says it all. In the middle of the
floor is a dried up, withered, Christmas tree. The calendar on the wall reads
December 26. Dad is sitting in his chair with an ice pack on his head. Mom is
in a bathrobe and her hair in rollers. The floor is a virtual mountain of torn
wrappings, boxes, and bows. Junior is reaching in his stocking to be sure that
there is no more candy. In the background we see a table with a thoroughly
picked turkey still sitting there. The caption on the cartoon reads
simply: The morning after. It is to normalize our lives in our
families that we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family and invite its holy
members to our families.
13) “Scatter my ashes in the local Wal-Mart“: A
single mother who raised her only child and lavished her whole love on the girl
spent her health and wealth, time and talents on the child’s upbringing.
But the daughter dated and married a drug addict against her mother’s warnings
and wishes. As a well-employed girl, she never cared to visit her mother.
So on her deathbed the mother instructed her attorney to cremate her body and
to scatter the ashes in the local Wal-Mart of the city where her daughter
lived. He enquired why. The mother said: “Then I will be able to see my
daughter visiting me every week!”
14) “Louis, this morning you met your real self.”
Rabbi Gafni recalls one of the first bar mitzvahs he ever
performed. (bar mitzvah is a coming-of-age ritual for Jewish
boys. When a Jewish boy reaches 13 years old, he becomes accountable for his
actions and becomes a bar mitzvah, a son of the Law) This bar
mitzvahwas for a boy named Louis. Louis was awkward and sad.
His insensitive parents did little to encourage his self-esteem. They
implied that he was too dumb to learn the traditional Hebrew passages a boy
recites for his bar mitzvah. Gafni was determined to bring out
the best in Louis. He spent extra time teaching him the songs and
prayers. He discovered that Louis was smart, and had a fantastic singing
voice. On the day of his bar mitzvah, Louis performed
beautifully. At the end of the ceremony, Rabbi Gafni stood and spoke
directly to Louis. He said, “Louis, this morning you met your real
self. This is who you are. You are good, graceful, talented, and
smart. Whatever people told you yesterday, and Louis, whatever happens
tomorrow, promise me one thing. Remember . . . this is you.
Remember, and don’t ever lose it.” A few years later, Louis wrote to
Rabbi Gafni. The boy whose parents predicted that he was too dumb to
perform a traditional bar mitzvah was studying for his medical
degree at an Ivy League university. He was also engaged to be
married. Louis ended his letter by saying, “. . . I kept my promise—I
always remembered my bar mitzvah morning when you said that
this is who I am. For this, I thank you.” [Marc Gafni, The
Mystery of Love (New York: Atria Books, 2003), pp. 123-124.] I wish
all of us could have an affirming adult like that in our lives. Some of you
know about that kind of love. That was the kind of love you experienced from
your parents. And you know how precious it is.
15) “My mother told me that I was the ugliest little girl
she knew.” A few years ago, Rabbi Marc Gafni gave a talk at a
children’s camp in New York. At one point in the afternoon, Rabbi Gafni
asked the children, “When was the last time someone told you that you were
beautiful?” The children’s response devastated him. Few of them
could recall true, encouraging words from their parents. So many of them
heard only words of condemnation and shame. One young girl said, “My
mother told me on Saturday that I was the ugliest little girl she knew.”
Another boy related a heartbreaking conversation with his mother. He
said, “My mother was in the Holocaust. And she says that if she had known
that I would be her son, she wouldn’t have worked so hard to survive.”
[Marc Gafni, The Mystery of Love (New York: Atria Books, 2003),
pp. 120-121.] Parents like that need to stop and consider the impact of their
words. It is hard to imagine a more hurtful thing to say to a child.
16) 60 years of separation: The story of
Boris and Anna Kozlov is very touching. Boris and Anna Kozlov were married in
1946. After three days Boris had to ship out with his Red Army
unit. By the time he returned, Anna was gone, consigned by Stalin’s
purges to internal exile in Siberia with the rest of her family. Nobody knew
where the family was, or what had happened to Anna… Boris became frantic. He
tried everything he could to find his young bride, but it was in vain. She was
gone. After 60 years, one day, Anna Kozlov caught sight of the elderly man
clambering out of a car in her home village of Borovlyanka in Siberia. There,
in front of her, was Boris. An extraordinary coincidence had led them both to
return to their home village on the very same day. 60 years of separation has
made their reunion inexpressibly joyful. In today’s Gospel we heard Mathew’s account
that Jesus’ family had to be separated from their kinsmen due to Herod’s
decision to annihilate Jesus. (Fr. Bobby).
17) “But…But…..you tell better lies Mum!”: A
mother was shocked to hear her son tell a lie. Taking the youngster aside for a
heart to heart talk, she graphically explained what happened to liars. “A tall
black man with red fiery eyes and two sharp horns grabs little boys who tell
lies and carries them off at night. He takes them to Mars where they have to
work in a dark canyon for fifty years! Now” she concluded, “you won’t tell a
lie again, will you, dear?” “No, Mum,” replied the son, gravely, “But…But…..you
tell better lies Mum!” – Children learn to tell lies from the elders. With them
it does not work to say, ”Do as I tell and not as I do.” (G. Francis
Xavier in Inspiring Stories; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
18) Attachment: In the middle of the
night a young boy wakes up in a hospital bed. He feels very frightened and very
alone. He is suffering intense pain: Burns cover forty percent of his body.
Someone had doused him with alcohol and then had set him on fire. He starts
crying out for his mother. The nurse leaves her night-post to comfort him; she
holds him, hugs him, whispers to him that the pain will go away sooner than he
thinks. However, nothing that the nurse does seems to lessen the boy’s pain. He
still cries for his mother. And the nurse is confused and angry: it was his
mother who set him on fire. The young boy’s pain at being separated from his
mother – even though she had inflicted such cruelty on him – was greater than
the pain of his burns. That deep attachment to the mother makes separation from
her the worst experience a child can undergo. (Denis McBride in Seasons
of the Word; quoted by Fr. Botelho).
19) The Cosby Show: One of TV’s
highest rated program of all time was The Cosby Show. It was a
weekly sitcom about an upper-middle-class black family, which for all practical
purposes, had become America’s First Family. In a feature article about Bill
Cosby, Newsweek magazine said that his show about the
Huxtables is endearing not cutesy, its parents are hassled but never hapless
and there is clowning but no guff. The Cosby Show was popular
because the family situations it portrayed had an air of universality and
reality about them. Any family could identify with both the irritations and
misunderstandings that arise on the show, and with the truly humorous and heart-warming
things that happen. While Dr. Cliff Huxtable, his lawyer- wife Clair and their
four children may not be the perfect counterpart of the Holy Family, they do
picture for us in modern terms what some of the qualities of family life should
be. The seven ‘C’s of family life are: commitment, communication,
compatibility, compassion, confession, conviviality, and children. They sum up
today’s readings about how to become a holy family instead of a broken
family. (Albert Cylwicki in His Word Resounds; quoted by Fr.
Botelho).
20) “We wanted to stay together…”: In his
new book, All Rivers Run to the Sea,Elie Wiesel recalls the
terrible moment when his family had to make a critical choice. The war was
coming to an end, but the deportation of Jews continued. Elie, his parents and
three sisters faced deportation from their village in Hungary to the concentration
camp in Berkenau. Maria, a Christian and the family’s house-keeper, begged the
Wiesels to hide in her family cabin in the mountains. At first the Wiesels
declined, but Maria persisted. The family gathered at the kitchen table for a
family meeting: should they go with Maria, or stay and take their chances. The
family decided to stay. Elie Wiesel remembers: “But why?” Maria implored us,
her voice breaking. “Because” my father replied, “a Jew must never be separated
from his community. What happens to everyone happens to us as well.” My mother
wondered aloud whether it might not be better “to send the children with
Maria.” We protested: “We’re young and strong. The trip won’t be as dangerous
for us. If anyone should go with Maria, it’s you.” After a brief discussion, we
thanked Maria. “My father was right. We wanted to stay together, like everyone
else. Family unity is one of our most important traditions… the strength of the
family tie, which has contributed to the survival of our people for centuries…” The
war did not end soon enough for the Wiesels. Only Elie and two of his sisters
survived. His mother, father, and youngest sister died in camps. (Quoted in
Connections Newsletter).
21) Obedient Child Jesus: A few centuries
before Christ, Alexander the Great conquered almost all the known
world through military strength, intelligence, and diplomacy. Legend has it
that one day Alexander and a small company of soldiers approached a strongly
defended, walled city. Alexander, standing outside the walls,
raised his voice, demanding to see the city’s king. The king, approaching
the battlements above the invading army, agreed to hear
Alexander’s demands. ”Surrender to me immediately,” commanded Alexander. The
king laughed. “Why should I surrender to you?” he called down. “We
have you far outnumbered. You are no threat to us!” Alexander was ready to
answer the challenge. “Allow me to demonstrate why you should
surrender,” he replied. Alexander ordered his men to line up single
file and start marching. He marched them straight toward a sheer
cliff that dropped hundreds of feet to rocks below. The king and his
soldiers watched in shocked disbelief as, one by one,
Alexander’s soldiers marched without hesitation right off the cliff to their
deaths. After ten soldiers had died, Alexander ordered the rest of his men
to stop and to return to his side. The king and his
soldiers surrendered on the spot to Alexander the Great. Even
on a human level, obedience is powerful. But when the one we are
obeying is God Himself, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, obedience
is truly a life-changing virtue. It leads not just to temporary
victories here on earth, but to the everlasting victory of
the Resurrection, as Jesus himself proved by his obedience unto death on a
cross. (Adapted from Hot Illustrations; E- Priest)
22) Child Jesus guided by Mary & Joseph: On
October 14, 1943, Jewish slave laborers in Sobibor concentration
camp, on the border of Poland and Russia, executed a well-planned
revolt. Of the 700 prisoners who took part in the escape, 300 made it through
the minefield between the barbed wire fence of the prison and
the dense forest beyond. Of those, fewer than 100 are known to
have survived the Nazi search parties. One of them, Thomas Blatt, was
15 years old when his family was herded into Sobibor. His parents were executedin
the gas chamber, but Thomas, young and healthy, was sent to slave labor.
Thomas and two companions made it out and started their long journey through
the dense woods after navigating the minefield. At daybreak they
buried themselves in the woods to sleep. At night they made
their way through the trees and thick brush. After four nights of wandering
through the cold forest, they saw a building silhouetted
against the dark sky in the distance. With smiles on their faces, they eagerly approached
it, hoping for sanctuaryfrom their enemies. As they got closer,
they noticed that the building they had seen was a tower – specifically,
the east tower of the Sobibor concentration camp! They had made one
giant circle through the woods and ended up exactly where they
started. Terrified, the three boys plunged back into the
forest. But only Thomas lived to tell about their awful experience. When we
reject the guidance of God’s commandments and the teaching of
his Church, we are like those boys wandering through the woods at night without
a guide, and we make no lasting progress to the happiness
we long for. (Hot Illustrations; E- Priest).
23) Dorothy Law Nolte wrote, “Children Learn What
They Live”
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for
themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like
themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to
have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn
respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in
themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is
a nice place in which to live.
24) Satan’s seven-steps strategy: Dr. Peter
Kreeft a professor of philosophy at Boston College and a well-known author and
speaker, gave a talk in Ohio, USA. In his talk, he outlined what he calls,
“Satan’s spectacularly successful seven-steps sexual strategy.” This is his
explanation of how the devil is working in our world right now to destroy
families and even the whole human race. Personally, I think Dr. Kreeft is right
on target in his analysis. Here it is:
Step 1 in Satan’s strategy – this is the devil’s ultimate
goal: winning souls for hell.
Step 2: in order for Satan to win many souls for hell, society
must be corrupted.
Step 3: to effectively destroy society, family life
must be undermined – because strong families are necessary in order to
have strong societies.
Step 4: in order to destroy the family, you must
destroy its foundation – stable marriage
Step 5: marriage is destroyed by loosening its glue which
is sexual fidelity.
Step 6: fidelity is destroyed by my promoting and defending the
sexual revolution.
Step 7: the sexual revolution is promoted and
defended by the media – through which the seeds of destruction are
sown into the minds of millions of people every day.
25) Statistics and Commentary: The evidence is
convincing that the better our relationships are at home, the more effective we
are in our careers. If we’re having difficulty with a loved one, that
difficulty will be translated into reduced performance on the job. In studying
the millionaires in America (U.S. News and World Report), a picture of
the “typical” millionaire is an individual who has worked eight to ten hours a
day for thirty years and is still married to his or her high school or college
sweetheart. A New York executive search firm, in a study of 1365 corporate vice
presidents, discovered that 87% were still married to their one and only spouse
and that 92% were raised in two-parent families. The evidence is overwhelming
that the family is the strength and foundation of society. Strengthen your
family ties and you’ll enhance your opportunity to succeed. (Zig Ziglar
in Homemade, March 1989). Fr. Kayala
26) Top traits of successful families: According
to a study of more than 500 family counselors, the following are the top traits
of successful families: *Communicating and listening *Affirming and supporting
family members *Respecting one another *Developing a sense of trust *Sharing
time and responsibility *Knowing right from wrong *Having rituals and
traditions *Sharing a religious core *Respecting privacy. (Focus on the
Family Bulletin, December, 1988). Fr. Kayala.
27) Profile of a strong family: From a
national survey of strong families conducted by the Human Development and
Family Department at the University of Nebraska- Lincoln, a profile of a strong
family:
- Appreciation. “Family
members gave one another compliments and sincere demonstrations of
approval. They tried to make the others feel appreciated and good about
themselves.”
b. Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner. “They were willing to take a bad situation, see something positive in it and focus on that.”
c. Time Together. “In all areas of their lives–meals, work, recreation–they structured their schedules to spend time together.”
d. High Degree of Commitment. “Families promoted each person’s happiness and welfare, invested time and energy in each other and made family their number one priority.”
e. Good Communication Patterns. “These families spent time talking with each other. They also listened well, which shows respect.”
f. High Degree of Religious Orientation. “Not all belonged to an organized church, but they considered themselves highly religious. (University of Nebraska- Lincoln). Fr. Kayala
28)Family Statistics: Families in 2000
will average 1.81 children, down from 1.84 today. Some 60 percent of kids born
in the ’80s will live for a time with one parent; 1 kid in 4 will live with a
stepparent by age 16. One third of all households will be childless. . .
Supporting a teenager still at home will cost $12,000 a year against $7,000
now. Kids who head to college in 2000 will need upwards of $100,000 for each
bachelor’s degree. (U.S. News and World Report, Dec .25, 1989).
29) Rudyard Kipling once
wrote about families, “All of us are we–and everyone else is they.” A family
shares things like dreams, hopes, possessions, memories, smiles, frowns, and
gladness…A family is a clan held together with the glue of love and the cement
of mutual respect. A family is shelter from the storm, a friendly port when the
waves of life become too wild. No person is ever alone who is a member of a
family. (Fingertip Facts).
30) Threats to the families: Parents rate their
inability to spend enough time with their children as the greatest threat to
the family. In a survey conducted for the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance
Corp., 35 percent pointed to time constraints as the most important reason for
the decline in family values. Another 22 percent mentioned a lack of parental
discipline. While 63 percent listed family as their greatest source of
pleasure, only 44 percent described the quality of family life in America as
good or excellent. And only 34 percent expected it to be good or excellent by 1999.
Despite their expressed desire for more family time, two-thirds of those
surveyed say they would probably accept a job that required more time away from
home if it offered higher income or greater prestige. [Moody Monthly,
(December, 1989), p. 72.]
31) Disintegration of various cultures with the parallel
decline of family life: Sociologist and historian Carle Zimmerman, in
his 1947 book, Family and Civilization, recorded his keen
observations as he compared the disintegration of various cultures with the
parallel decline of family life in those cultures. Eight specific patterns of
domestic behavior typified the downward spiral of each culture Zimmerman
studied.
*Marriage loses its sacredness…is frequently broken by
divorce.
*Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.
*Feminist movements abound.
*Increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general.
*Acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity, and rebellion.
*Refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities.
*Growing desire for and acceptance of adultery.
*Increasing interest in and spread of sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.
*Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.
*Feminist movements abound.
*Increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general.
*Acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity, and rebellion.
*Refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities.
*Growing desire for and acceptance of adultery.
*Increasing interest in and spread of sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.
(Swindoll, The Quest For Character, Multnomah,
p. 90).
32) “Wow! Wow!” One of Winston Churchill’s
biographers, William Manchester [The Last Lion (Boston: Little
Brown and Co., 1983)] once wrote that the eminent statesman’s feelings about
his family were unquestionably warm and intense. Churchill regarded his home as
an independent kingdom with its own law, its own customs, even its own
language. “Wow!” was the family’s traditional greeting. When Churchill entered
the front door, he would cry: “Wow! Wow!” Upon hearing him, his wife would call
back in answer, “Wow!” Then the children would rush into his arms and his eyes
would mist over. (Wow!) A statesman in his own right (many scholars think he
may have served for a time as Israel’s ambassador to foreign courts), Jesus ben
Sira, the second century B.C.E. author of today’s first reading also valued the
special love and language that unites the members of a family. To that end, he
invited his readers to cultivate a love that honors, obeys and cares for the
other while speaking the language of comfort, kindness and consideration.
33) “Family is a place where people want you and love you
and take care of you.” On a recent television “talk show”, the host
had invited about two dozen children to appear as his guests. All of them,
ranging in ages from three to thirteen years of age were wards of their
respective state’s Children’s Services Program and were being cared for by
foster parents. Some had been in the foster care system since birth; most had
been passed from home to home. Every child expressed the same desire: to be
permanently adopted into a family. When asked by the show’s host what “family”
meant to him, one small boy summed up the feelings of the other children.
“Family”, he replied, “is a place where people want you and love you and take
care of you.” Most of us can be grateful that we have not been similarly
deprived of that special place called family. But our gratitude for the gift of
family must also be matched by a desire to preserve and strengthen the bonds
that unite us and, when necessary, to expend whatever effort is needed to
repair and renew those bonds when they are strained. To that end, the author of
today’s second reading offers sage advice, advising women to be submissive,
while urging men to love their wives in such a radical way that husbands become
their wives’ servants too and advising children to respect, love and obey their
parents. (Sanchez Files).
34) Pope Francis’ twitter (December
2014): “It is so important to listen! Husbands and wives
need to communicate to bring happiness and serenity to family life.”
35) Cloud seeding for a
brainstorm: Becoming good at the things that build inner
confidence and calm takes practice — and a dash of creativity! The following
list might provide some cloudseeding for a brainstorm or two of your own. Have
some fun with your family…and get ready for a good rest.
- Pay
off your credit cards.
2. Take off ten pounds or accept where you are without any more complaints.
3. Eat dinner together as a family for seven days in a row.
4. Take your wife on a dialogue date (no movie, guys).
5. Read your kids a classic book (Twain’s a good start).
6. Memorize the Twenty-third Psalm as a family.
7. Give each family member a hug for twenty-one days in a row (that’s how long the experts say it takes to develop a habit). - Pick a
night of the week in which the television will remain unplugged.
9. Go out for a non-fast food dinner as a family.
10. Pray for your spouse and children every day.
11. Plan a vacation together.
12. Take a vacation together.
13. Read a chapter from the Bible every day until it becomes a habit.
14. Sit together as a family in Church.
15. Surprise your teenager. Wash his car and fill up his gas tank.
16. Take an afternoon off from work; surprise your child by excusing him from school and taking him to a ball game.
17. Take a few hours one afternoon and go to the library as a family.
18. Take a walk as a family.
19. Write each member of your family a letter sharing why you value them.
20. Give your spouse a weekend getaway with a friend (same gender!) to a place of their choice.
21. Go camping as a family.
22. Go to bed early (one hour before your normal bedtime) every day for a week.
23. Take each of your children out to breakfast (individually) at least once a month for a year.
24. Turn down a promotion that would demand more time from your family than you can afford to give.
25. Religiously wear your seat belts.
26. Get a complete physical.
27. Exercise a little every day for a month.
28. Make sure you have adequate life insurance on both yourself and your spouse.
29. Write out information about finances, wills, and important business information that your spouse can use to keep things under control in the event of your death.
30. Make sure your family car is safe (tires, brakes, etc.) and get it tuned up.
31. Replace the batteries in your smoke alarm.
32. Put a security system in your house.
33. Attend the parent/teacher meetings of each child as a couple.
34. Help your kids with their homework.
35. Watch the kids on Saturday while your wife goes shopping (but if a friend calls, don’t say that you’re “babysitting”).
36. Explain to your spouse exactly what you do for a living.
37. Put together a picture puzzle. (One thousand pieces or more.)
38. Take time during the week to read a Bible story to your children and then discuss it with them.
39. Encourage each child to submit to you his most perplexing question, and promise him that you’ll either answer it or discuss it with him.
40. Finish fixing something around the house.
41. Tell your kids how you and your spouse met.
42. Tell your kids about your first date.
43. Sit down and write your parents a letter thanking them for a specific thing they did for you. (Don’t forget to send it!)
44. Go on a shopping spree where you are absolutely committed to buying nothing.
45. Keep a prayer journal for a month. Keep track of the specific ways that God answers your needs.
46. Do some stargazing away from the city with your family. Help your children identify constellations and conclude the evening with prayer to the majestic God who created the heavens.
47. Treat your wife to a beauty make-over (facial, manicure, haircut, etc.). I hear they really like this.
48. Give the kids an alternative to watching Saturday morning cartoons (breakfast at McDonald’s, garage sales, the park, chores, etc.).
49. Ask your children each day what they did at school (what they learned, who they ate lunch with, etc.).
50. After you make your next major family decision, take your child back through the process and teach him how you arrived at your decision.
51. Start saying to yourself “My car doesn’t look so bad.”
52. Call you wife or husband from work just to see how they’re doing.
53. Compile a family tree and teach your children the history of their ancestors.
54. Walk through an old graveyard with your children.
55. Say no to at least one thing a day — even if it’s only a second piece of pie.
56. Write that letter to the network that broadcast the show you felt was inappropriate for prime-time viewing.
57. Turn off the lights and listen to a “praise” tape as you focus your thoughts on the Lord.
58. Write a note to your pastor praising him for something.
59. Take back all the books in your library that actually belong in someone else’s library.
60. Give irritating drivers the right to pull in front of you without signaling and yelling at them.
61. Make every effort to not let the sun go down on your anger.
62. Accept legitimate criticism from your wife or a friend without reacting or defending yourself.
63. If your car has a Christian bumper sticker on in — drive like it.
64. Do a Bible study on the “wise man” and the “fool” in Proverbs…and then apply what it takes to be wise to your life.
65. Make a list of people who have hurt your feelings over the past year…then check your list to see if you’ve forgiven them.
66. Make a decision to honor your parents, even if they made a career out of dishonoring you.
67. Take your children to the dentist and doctor for your wife.
68. Play charades with your family, but limit subjects to memories of the past.
69. Do the dishes for your wife.
70. Schedule yourself a free day to stay home with your family.
71. Get involved in a family project that serves or helps someone less fortunate.
72. As a family, get involved in a recreational activity.
73. Send your wife flowers.
74. Spend an evening going through old pictures from family vacations.
75. Take a weekend once a year for you and your spouse to get away and renew your friendship.
76. Praise your spouse and children — in their presence — to someone else.
77. Discuss a world or national problem, and ask your children for their opinion on it.
78. Wait up for your teenagers when they are out on dates.
79. Have a “quiet Saturday” (no television, no radio, no stereo…no kidding).
80. If your children are little, spend an hour playing with them — but let them determine the game.
81. Have your parents tell your children about life when they were young.
82. Give up soap operas.
83. De-clutter your house.
84. If you have a habit of watching late night television, but have to be to work early every morning, change your habit.
85. Don’t accept unnecessary breakfast appointments.
86. Write missionaries regularly.
87. Go through your closets and give everything that you haven’t worn in a year to a clothing relief organization.
88. Become a faithful and frequent visitor of your church’s library.
89. Become a monthly supporter of a Third World child.
90. Keep mementos, school projects, awards, etc. of each child in separate files. You’ll appreciate these when they’ve left the nest.
91. Read the biography of a missionary.
92. Give regularly and faithfully to conscientious church endeavors.
93. Place with your will a letter to each family member telling why you were glad you got to share life with him or her.
94. Go through your old records and tapes and discard any of them that might be a bad testimony to your children.
95. Furnish a room (or a corner of a room) with comfortable chairs and declare it the “disagreement corner.” When conflicts arise, go to this corner and don’t leave until it’s resolved.
96. Give each child the freedom to pick his favorite dinner menu at least once a week.
97. Go over to a shut-in’s house as a family and completely clean it and get the lawn work done.
98. Call an old friend from your past, just to see how he or she is getting along.
99. Get a good friend to hold you accountable for a specific important need (Bible reading, prayer, spending time with your family, losing a few pounds, etc.).
100. Establish a budget.
101. Go to a Christian marriage enrichment seminar. - To
prove his love for her, he swam the deepest river, crossed the widest
desert and climbed the highest mountain. She divorced him. He was never
home. (Rose Sands, The Saturday Evening Post)
(Tim Kimmel, Little House on the Freeway, pp.
219-223).
