Marriage - humour

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

Men want THREE qualities in their wives: Economist in kitchen, Artist in
home & Devil in bed.
But they get an Artist in kitchen, Devil in home & Economist in Bed.

Father and Son Talk

As A Life's End Draws Near, A Father And Son Talk

"For me, dying — it's very enlightening and certainly rewarding," David Plant (left) tells Frank Lilley. "Look at the opportunity to talk, for example. It's just incredible."

In 2010, David Plant was diagnosed with skin cancer. The cancer has since metastasized to other parts of his body, and David is now contemplating the end of his life. So, just before his 81st birthday, he sat down with his stepson to talk about their life together.

As Frank Lilley explains, "David is my stepfather, but I certainly consider him my father."

Things to ponder

Me (in a tizzy): God, can I ask you something?
GOD: Sure.
Me: Promise you won’t get mad?
GOD: I promise.
Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
GOD: What do you mean?
Me: Well I woke up late,
GOD: Yes

The Donkey and Palm Sunday

THE GUY WITH THE DONKEY

There’s someone I want to get to know.

I don’t know his name or what he looks like.

I only know one thing.

He gave a donkey to Jesus on the Sunday he entered Jerusalem.

“Go to the town you can see there.

Palm Sunday B- 2012

Readings

First Reading: Isaiah 50: 4-7

Second Reading: Philippians 2: 6-11

Gospel: Mathew 21: 1-11 & 27:11-54

After Judasses Have betrayed you ....

After Judases have betrayed you what do you do?

In life you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you can learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security.

 And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

 So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…… that you really are strong

 And you really do have worth!

And so you tell the Judases, You come and go, I remain!

In faith and in perseverance and in hope!

Have a blessed Triduum!

Lent Tuesday / wk 5 / mar 27

He began to cry ....

Jesus said of his Father, "I always
do what pleases him." John 8:29

Something was wrong in Keith
Miller's life. One day he got so
depressed that he drove off to a
secluded spot and began to cry
like a little boy. He looked up at the
sky and said, "God, if there's any--
thing your want in this stinking
soul, take it!" Suddenly, it dawned
on Keith that what God wants is
your will. That realization began a transformation in his life.
Ten years later he wrote: "God
wants your will; and if you give him
your will, he'll begin to show you
life as you've never seen it before."
As he sat there he continued to
cry, only now the tears were a
release of a lifetime of being
bound to himself. A Taste of New Wine

What keeps me from giving my
will over to God as completely
as I would like to?

With God, go over the sea--
without him, don't even go over
the threshold. Russian proverb

Lenten Challenges

Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.

It's hard to stumble when you're
down on your knees.

What part of "Thou Shalt Not"
don't you understand?

A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

The wages of sin is death.
Repent before payday.

Never give the devil a ride.
He will always want to drive.

Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

Christians, keep the faith...but not from others!

Satan subtracts and divides.
God adds and multiplies.

To belittle is to be little.

Don't let the littleness in others
bring out the littleness in you.

God answers knee-mail.

Try Jesus. If you don't like Him,
the devil will always take you back.

Jokes - For the Weekend

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

Lenten Penance on Sundays too?

Is it true that during lent, on sundays, you may do/eat the thing that you gave up?

 

For example, if I gave up chocolate for lent, could I eat it on Sundays during lent? I have heard from more than one person that the things that you give up you can do on Sundays in lent?

Yes, you can eat the chocolate on Sundays...that's why Lent starts on a Wednesday -- so we can deduct Sundays because Sundays are never Lent. Jesus rose from the dead on the first day of the week...from there all Sundays are thus blessed and are called the Lord's Day...they are mini-Easters. On the other hand, because Jesus died on a Friday, this is why we fast on a Friday -- and by the way, the Catholic teaching is that we should make some act of penance every Friday year round -- not just during Lent. It's not really enforced any more -- but it hasn't been dropped, either. In fact we are supposed to also fast on Wednesdays (the day Judas went to the chief priests and offered to betray Jesus to them). In Jesus' day, the Jews fasted on Mondays and Thursdays...the two days outside of Shabbat that the Torah was read from. This is why Jesus had said, "When you fast..." (see MT 6:16) -- not "If you'd like to fast..." It was a given that fasting was done from ancient days.

Check out the fasting requirements on fasting in the Orthodox Church...they are far more strict that the Catholic Church: note that they still fast every Wednesday and Friday year round. http://home.wavecable.com/~photios/fasti…
http://www.antiochian.org/fasting-great-…

While we Catholics fast for < 10 days/year, the Coptic Orthodox church fasts for more than 200 days per year!!!!!